Fred Nurk, 22 April 03


   See where your country is on the list! You can be first in your street to dig a decent bunker, store up water and food, convert your money to US dollars. Why you might even want to buy a little American flag to wave at the tanks as they roll into your street.

IRAQ   Trial run for the rest of the planet. Reconstruction will be necessary after bombing, which can be paid for with Iraqi oil to US companies.
  Control of the oil should be left in the hands of those who are experienced in the oil business. George W Bush, Jeb Bush, Donald Rumsfeld.
SYRIA 1. Because they sold night vision goggles to Iraq.

2. Because Israel says so.
   Israel is embedded in the White House, Pentagon, and Congress.
IRAN 1. Because it is an Axis of Evil.
2. Because Israel says so.
NORTH KOREA 1. Because it is an Axis of Evil.

2. Because they have figured out that if you don't have any weapons of mass destruction, or you do not use them -- you will be overrun by US troops, therefore they must develop WMD, which means they have to be invaded.
FRANCE  1.Because they do not do what the US wants them to do.
2. They have WMD.

3. The Statue of Liberty is proving to be an embarrassment.
4. Because they support the UN, and have veto powers.
GERMANY 1. Because they do not do what the US wants them to do.
2. Because the US already has military bases and WMD in Germany that can be used.
NEW ZEALAND 1. Because the USA will never be able to get the Americas Cup back while they are in the competition.

2. Because their government is not subservient and makes independent decisions without consulting Washington.

3. Because they have no WMD.
1. Because Israel says so.
ITALY 1. Because the Pope did not support the war.
2. Because the public did not support war.
3. Because they have no WMD.
SPAIN 1. Because they only pretended to support the war.
2. Because they have no WMD
TURKEY 1. Although they were offered a substantial bribe of about 10 billion dollars they did not allow the use of US bases, and messed up the planning for the war.
  2. Because the public did not support the war.
1. Because they are part of "New" Europe.
2. Because it costs a lot of money to bribe them to sign up to the "coalition of the unwilling".
3. Invasion would be cheaper in the long run.
4. It will be easier to set up MacDonalds and KFC outlets.
TIBET 1. Because the Dalia Lama does not want to actually kill people.
  2. The Dalia Lama laughs too much for Donald Rumsfeld's liking.
NICARAGUA 1. Because Ronald Reagan believed this was a dangerously aggressive country desperately trying to invade the United States.
AFGHANISTAN MK 2 1. Because Bin Laden and most of his gang came from there.
2. Because they need to be given another dose of freedom.
3. They have a history of being invaded, and this tradition must be kept going.
SAUDI ARABIA 1. Because Bin Laden and most of his gang came from there.
2. Because they did not support the war.
3. Because they have heaps of oil and no WMD.
4. Israel says so.
1. Because they are part of OLD Europe.
2. Because the US already has bases (with WMD) either in these countries or nearby ready to go.
  3. And they don't believe in WMD (suckers!)
VENEZUELA Because they have oil and no WMD.
CANADA 1. Because some Canadians speak French.
2. Because they did not support the US, even though they are next door and part of North America. Better to invade them now and give a "democratic unity" to the whole of North America.
3. Because they have no WMD.
BRAZIL 1. Because this will give the US a great soccer team.
  2. Because the US will get to control the Rio Carnival and have free tickets.
ARGENTINA Because they are a dangerous country that seized the Falkland Islands BY FORCE. This is not on! Only two countries are allowed to seize land by force.
CHILE Because the CIA went to a lot of trouble to overthrow the elected government and gave the people the President for-life-Augusto Pinochet, and after all this the ungrateful SOBs were not happy although he did everything that Washington told him to.
COLOMBIA Because there is no point in importing drugs via the drug lords, when the CIA could control the whole project directly.
MEXICO Because this is will stop them sneaking into Texas -- they can be part of it!
1. Because only primitive people live there who don't own any decent weapons, and they would make good places to
(a) test WMD
(b) Set up military bases
(c) Take cheap R & R.
SOUTH AFRICA Because this is the best way to shut up Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu talking against war.
SOMALIA Because BLACKHAWK DOWN made a lot of money, and it is time for a sequel. This time with a quick, clean US victory.
CUBA 1. Because it is the only way for the CIA to get over the Bay of Pigs Fiasco.
2. The Mafia want their casinos back.
RUSSIA Because they have WMD, and cannot be relied upon to do what they are told.
CHINA 1. Because they do not do what they the US tells them to do.
2. Because they have the power of veto on the UN security council.
3. Because they are an economic threat, a potential military superpower.
4. Because they have funny eyes.
5. And they have WMD. Don't forget the WMD!
SAN FRANCISCO 1. Because they do not support foreign wars.
2. Because they are all gay.
CALIFORNIA 1. Because there are too many non-Caucasians.
2. Because too many people are questioning the Bush Doctrine.
MASSACHUSETTS 1. Because it is the only way to get rid of Noam Chomsky.
2. Because the Kennedy clan come from there and they are Democrats and Democrats can not be trusted, and they might have WMD.
JAPAN 1. Because there are too many Toyotas in the USA, too many Hondas, too many Japanese companies: Sony, Toshiba, Canon, Nikon, etc

2. Because of Pearl Harbor, don't forget Pearl Harbor.
3. Because they do not have WMD yet.
4. Because of their funny eyes.
UK Because Blair believes in the UN, believes the stories about "helping the Iraqi people to freedom", and one day he is going to figure out that it is about World Power for the US.
2. Because they allow Robert Fisk to write stories that are not approved by either Washington or CNN.
AUSTRALIA   1. Because one day they are going to dump the most subservient PM they have had since Menzies.
2. Because some time during the next 5 years they are going to figure out all the "special trade" deals are ways for the US to sell more goods while setting up trade barriers to foreign goods.
3. It will make it easier to Win the Davis Cup
ZNet Because it is a subversive, communist, democratic, radical, left-wing, gay, anti-racist, anti-American (don't forget anti-American) organization intent on bringing social justice to the world (without wars of conquest).
If your Country, State or city is not listed, do not be alarmed! The Pentagon is working night and day on a plan to invade your city as soon as possible.